Child-like Devotion

It's 8am and we've been up an hour and a half. Yep, that's right, my girls don't sleep in. Me, I'm a late-night owl, always have been, and this early hour is a stretch for me. My oldest daughter is usually the one waking me up... I think that breaks a mom rule somewhere along the way. I don't EVER remember being up before my mom. We are already done with breakfast but I'm not saying we're all out of our pajamas yet. My mind is spinning with what I need to accomplish today. Laundry, clean, work outside, finish up a couple projects that have been laying around for far too long. Of course, this means my girls need to be real angelic, like perfect child are, so that I can get all these things accomplished before midnight. Oh, did I just put those two words in a sentence together?? Angelic girls?? HA! Well, it is certainly a good thing that I'm not a perfect mama because let me just tell you, this mama needs a lot of grace. I mean a lot.

Both my littles are pulling at my dress, they want up they say. Well the one says it, the other just motions. Go play, I say. Look at all those fun toys in the living room, those babies, books, etc. Just find something to do. Disagreeing eyes star back at me. Oh sigh.... really?? Why do we have all these toys anyway?? So we find a job to do together, while I inwardly rebel. Over the course of the morning, my littles follow my EVERY step... to the bathroom, to get a drink, outside to water flowers, upstairs to hang up laundry. I 'sacrifice' a few moments of precious time to read a couple books. Wiping noses, getting drinks, fixing lunch, changing diapers and helping one go to the bathroom..... Lunchtime is here. I have certainly not gotten very far on my list. Naptime... whew, I think I can make it. I long for a few minutes of time alone. Time not spent guiding, directing, re-directing, correcting. Just a small break please Lord.

And then God shows me.... and tears flood my eyes. It's this kind of devotion he wants from me. He wants me to pull at his robe, to look at him with love in my eyes. He LONGS for me to follow him around, for me to ask him EVERY single question I can think of. He wants me to follow every footstep, to be lost without him, calling for him when I can't see him. He wants to direct me and to help re-direct me when I go astray. He wants to be everything to me. These two precious souls love this mama, this imperfect mama. How can I not love HIM--perfect being??? His patience for me is endless, his love, everlasting. Oh that I would curl up in his lap, that I wouldn't take one step without knowing he is near.

I am broken... all my impatience, my 'sacrifices' of time... are selfishness. I know I am not God to my girls. I don't want to be. But they are young enough yet that I am the most important person on earth to them and they LONG for my affection, care, attention and affirmation. They desire to be near me, to share life with me. Every single day. Even when I act ugly and impatient. They have no idea that I have other work to do, that the other work takes time. Oh Lord, please forgive me... It is not a sacrifice to spend time with my girls, rather, a privilege. Help me Lord... to give my day to my girls after first giving it to you. I am here to take care of them at this time. The day will come when they no longer need me, when they no longer even desire to tell me every single detail of their life. But I have today with them. Help me embrace it! My other work will pass away but their souls will not. Help me guide and direct them to you... Days come when we mamas get tired and weary, bear us up to your side and remind us gently of just how much you have done for us. Our work is nothing compared to your sacrifice... Help me long to be near you, just as my girls long to be near me, to seek your approval, your attention, your affirmation. Mold me, Jesus, one mama in thousands...